I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
