Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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