How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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