she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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