I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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