margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
