the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
