Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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