My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Welp...herpes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
