it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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