She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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