found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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