elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
