I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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