can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
