You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
