o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
