so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
