I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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