You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
