I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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