I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
