ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
