I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
