Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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