If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
