he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
