All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...