i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.