Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.