Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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