Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
well, you know. whores of a feather.