as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.