They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
