Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
