there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drake has all the answers
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