We're facebook friends in real life
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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