Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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