You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
