I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
