if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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