just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
