The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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