Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize