I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
