I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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