Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize