I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
