i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
