Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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