6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
