There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
