Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
