Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
