The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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