Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
