apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize