Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
