all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
