I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
