She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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