yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
