Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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