just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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