she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
