ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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