There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
