Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
