I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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